I can't remember when...
When was the last time that a conversation ventured into something that's beyond my mundane life, beyond the usual whines, and of funny stories at the workplace?
It has seemed forever that a talk has veered unto something that I would deem as a 'eureka' moment. It has been quite a while that a movie has been a part of a conversation, or a good book or a cool unknown band or whatever...
It seems that I've almost lost my humanity, say my youthful optimism to a unknown future that I seem to be dreading to face. It seems like winding roads that lead to dead ends and spiteful tears within grasps.
Its really hard when things don’t go as planned. And I would always wish that things could have been better. I’d always dwell on the possibility of ‘what ifs’ without ever pausing to consider that what’s done has been done.
I’ve forgotten the songs of my youth.
Songs that taught me to look forward to what’s beyond.
It’s a sad fact that supposedly ‘mature’ things have made me put my dreams on the backseat of this ride that I’m taking to traverse our lives.
Tonight there’s no guitar music on the background.
Just the meaningless tapping of frustrated fingers on a plastic keyboard.
Yawns replace the hopeful smile.
Tears rolling on the has given way to that bright eyed stare that I used to have.
I remember how when I was a teen I’d always wanted to look like Sid Vicious. And now that I look more like him with these perpetual eyebags and disinterested sneer I can’t even look at myself in the mirror without missing my former self.
I know that this is just a phase.
I know that way down the line this would be for my own good.
I guess I’m just lonely.
And the pain I feel is part of the growing pains that comes along with growing up.
I must be getting old.