notes from Disturbia

I was watching the movie Disturbia the other day and after having been cramped up at home for a few days already I cannot help but feel affinity with Kale Brecht, the central character in the movie played by Shia LeBeouf.

He’s on house arrest, for assaulting his teacher.

I on the other hand feel like I am also on house arrest because I'm advised by the doctor to take a week off and rest in order to recover from my recent bout with dengue fever. It has almost been a week now that I am staying at home with my parents eating, taking afternoon naps and watching DVD, with the occasional follow-up visits to the doctor, (just this afternoon I had blood extracted from me so that the doctors could determine if I have already fully recovered).

Like Kale I also feel limited, helpless I long for freedom, but the irony of it all is that while I am here at home spending time with my family I long to go out and the only place that I can go to right now if indeed I could choose to go out is to go to work.

Sadly, I don't want to come back to work right now. I'm jaded with whatever it is that's taken hold of my precious work at Greenpeace, sometimes I feel as though it has lost its soul, it's hardly the organization that I became a part of 3 years ago, and I welcomed the idea of getting sick because it meant that I could get away with doing web work, for the meantime. Maybe I'm just exhausted with work, or maybe with life in general.

I've been through a lot lately, for starters a couple of weeks ago I cried my heart out because Jeanie's going to be gone for a year. I had just finished preaching to the youth congregation of Grace Bible Church. I have gone to what I feel is an unfruitful trip to Indonesia. I cannot help but feel pain whenever I'd see how unfairly treated my friends at Greenpeace's fundraising department are not getting the same benefits that I am getting for my tenure of work for the organization. I am still agonizing whether I should take up a course in theology. And right now I am still somewhat sick and tired of the fact that I do not have a clue as to what it is that I want to do with my life.

If only life was as simple as that of a movie, like in Disturbia everything went back to how it is, by the time that the next door serial killer has been done with. I'm going back to work on Monday, again I'd be off to Greenpeace cyberspace, off with the accumulated paper work that needs to be filed, the unread emails aching to be replied to and the thought that again I am back to work, regretting that I have not really exerted much of any 'quality time' with my family during my short tenure here at home.

The only consolation that I could get is that with easy access to the net means a more efficient way of getting in touch with Jeanie who's at the moment studying Communication Culture at Maastricht.

Perhaps this is just a phase that in God’s time will build up character and reap a harvest of blessing on my part. But as for now I feel cold and still exhausted...

No comments: