Our post-apocalyptic existence



 


The world as we know it already ended.

It did not came with the grinding halt of industry and the surge of Covid infections.

No those were just the more garish reminders that we are already living at the end of the line.

It came more subtly. It came when we became enamoured in the illussion that we can chart our individual destinies without looking at the bigger picture.

It came when we started looking at the earth as a machine, a resource that can be controled rather than as a nurturing mother that needs to be loved and respected.

It came when we looked on to visionary messiahs who will realize our visions of a prosperous world without getting our hands dirty in the work of building it.

There is no use in explaining away our sorrows. No sense in finding meaning in our misery. We can mourn. We can shed tears.  Let us do away with heroes, gods and saviors. Let us be content with the possibility that the pursuit of our dreams will forever be futile.

When the smoke settles, we can only hope that the swords have indeed been turned into plowshares.

We can only hope that a new dawn arises. A clean slate, a new beginning rises from the ashes of the former.

We can only hope that hope is finally realized and faith is now rendered obsolete.

We can only hope. We can only breathe. We can only open our eyes. One day at a time.

Microcosm

My home is a microcosm of the fucked up state of the world: His convenience at the expense and misery of everyone else.

Still no silver linings in sight

For months I've been staring at the abyss. Never in my life have I lost meaning in purpose. All symbols of certainty -- gone. Hope flailing. Life: a constant, protracted march to the grave. Still no silver linings in sight.

late night/early morning

Happiness is elusive.
The pain is bittersweet.
We love those who won't reciprocate.
At times we love in anger, anguish and pity.
Even the act of loving cannot be done on our own terms.
We can only sigh and walk it off.
Living in anxiety.
Thinking how long can we keep it up.

Frustration

That sad time when you want to stand up and fight for/against other/values/oppressors but personal tragedy gets in the way.

Catch 22

Daily I see things that I shouldn't on normal occasions
I smell things that move my bowels
I wake up from a frantic sleep
I go out do my routine anticipating relief
Relief that is anathema
I find no solace in prayer for me to do so would mean to implore divine intervention for something unthinkable
I wallow in pain.
My life on an indefinite pause.
Bearing a cross that I can't unburden
I don't know what to believe anymore.

kalbaryo

Habang inaalala natin ang mga kalbaryong bitbit ni Kristo, alalahanin din natin na bukod dito ay ang katotohanan na marami din na may bitbit na kalbaryong hindi pwedeng basta-basta na lang pwedeng bitiwan dahil ito ay isang tanikalang tinakdang bitbitin ng malupit at mapagbirong tadhana.

Miserable Pity Party

Despondent to the misery
Anticipating short-changed catharsis
Temper trapped between depression and crankiness
All I can say is goodnight

subjective rant

i know its not fair to say this: i feel that i am not loved. i am only needed.