the space in between

Divine Cruelty

A few hours before dawn she vomited and cried in pain.

In agony she prayed: confessing her sins, seeking forgiveness,

Expressing gratitude and supplicating for either relief or release.

In a tragic twist of faith

A few minutes after saying "amen,"

Spasms and chills accompany the high fever

As I lay down beside her I listened to her pray yet again

But I find it hard not to think that your timing was cruel

A few minutes after the petition was sealed with an amen

You sent down pain on her frail body

I find no meaning and purpose

Maybe it would've just been better if

We could have been resolved

With a universe of no meaning

No divine cosmology

And life's tragedy was just

The byproduct of oppressive systems

Borne of selfish human choices

And random coincidences

Amen

Sharing this screenshot of the Greenpeace Southeast Asia page from November 2005. This was when I was doing digital campaign and editorial support for the Philippine leg of the Asia Clean Energy Tour of the Rainbow Warrior 2 the Philippines. I got this from WayBackMachine it was apparently not archived under the new website, which I think is a shame because this was during a historical moment for the organization where an unfortunate accident was turned around because of the rapid response work that saw the organization owe up to its responsibility and bring word of it as soon as possible to the public in the days before social media.

My first year working for Greenpeace was life-changing as it coincided with the time that the organization was faced with the biggest organizational ecological flashpoint moments ranging from oil and cyanide spills; to violent dispersals and arrests of our activists; to having our flagship run aground a UNESCO World Heritage site.

Over the years the organization has changed from the one that I joined, but such is the case in all things.

In spite of that, I'm happy that they are still around and fighting the good fight. Happy 50th Greenpeace.

Impunity

Sometimes God just likes to play god

He enjoys being beyond reproach.

He savors in His divine right to be unaccountable.

Unlike the rest of us. Languishing in the misery of His benevolent choices.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord". (Isiah 55:8)

Jusko.

cold and alone

Why do I even bother to share stories with someone who doesn't ask me how I am?

And in all of this, I've only been given explanations based on observations from afar

I'm finding it unfair that not once have I been approached by anyone to offer me anything

Only pleas for help, support, a listening ear, and advice for their personal crisis

I feel like a thread that's unraveling from its spool on its way to an inevitable end

And to the god in whom I find comfort in not existing.

Thanks but no thanks.

protracted anxiety

It feels really frustrating that this indefinite pause in my life is just an act of vacillating from one crisis to another with no end in sight.

a house is not a home

The word house is used to talk about a building made for people or a family to live in. The word home is used to talk about the family living in a house. They say a house is not a home. But as far as I am concerned now. I'd rather just have a house that's not deteriorating.

Pandemic Purgatory

In the past few years, I've hated the weekends and the holidays. I can't feel the difference between those days and my regular working days. At least during working days, I can say to the people at home that I can't be disturbed, because I'm working. Fuck this life.

birthday bs

Four decades older. Several thousand Pesos poorer. None happier nor wiser. Happy birthday to me.

Mark Dela Cruz | Muni-Muni

Mark is someone I've known for more than a decade and it's a friendship that has span the transitions of platforms on the internet from Blogger, to Friendster, to MySpace, to Facebook and beyond.

It is interesting though that as far as personal interactions I can remember not more than a dozen times when we were able to interact personally and its mostly at shows in San Pablo Laguna or when we shared the stage with his band Driveway to Driveway at Saguijo, AMOS Cafe and the short-lived Sazi's/Myric's in Malate with 2 of those venues already closing shop and Saguijo in an indefinite hiatus because of the pandemic I think personal interactions would be far from happening.