Catch 22

Daily I see things that I shouldn't on normal occasions
I smell things that move my bowels
I wake up from a frantic sleep
I go out do my routine anticipating relief
Relief that is anathema
I find no solace in prayer for me to do so would mean to implore divine intervention for something unthinkable
I wallow in pain.
My life on an indefinite pause.
Bearing a cross that I can't unburden
I don't know what to believe anymore.

kalbaryo

Habang inaalala natin ang mga kalbaryong bitbit ni Kristo, alalahanin din natin na bukod dito ay ang katotohanan na marami din na may bitbit na kalbaryong hindi pwedeng basta-basta na lang pwedeng bitiwan dahil ito ay isang tanikalang tinakdang bitbitin ng malupit at mapagbirong tadhana.

Miserable Pity Party

Despondent to the misery
Anticipating short-changed catharsis
Temper trapped between depression and crankiness
All I can say is goodnight

subjective rant

i know its not fair to say this: i feel that i am not loved. i am only needed.

all i want for xmas

all i want for xmas is...

... to wake up without an alarm clock
...to ride my bike again for leisure
... to read a book in silence
... to play my guitar again
...to be able to take a long, warm bath
... to be relieved of my perpetual headache

Shit

A shitty life is:
When you wake up in the morning and in the middle of the night because someone has to shit
When you get called to drop everything to help someone shit
When you get called to clean after somone's shit
When you're eating but have to stop because someone needs help shitting
When you constantly hear farts, when you constantly smell farts
When you constantly see and clean after shit
When almost all you see and do has something to do with shit
When you realize that there's nothing you can do but deal with all the shit
Holy shit

anxiety

Time stands still
when circumstances
declare your indefinite
hiatus from life.
On constant adrenaline rush
motivated by functioning depression.

Wondering about faith
in an Almighty, Omnipotent
and the dissonance to that claim
and existential reality.

How can that be true?

I stare at the imminent
and protracted decay
of life.
Living among the sick,
oppressed, vulnerable and dying.

No silver linings in sight.

random

i've learned to befriend sadness

Tired

I has taken me a long time to put things into writing.
I am not in a good place right now.
I am overwhelmed.
I have been feeling like this for more than a year now --but more so at the start of this year.
With so many things happening I often feel like I'm hanging on a thread.
Oftentimes I'm too exhausted to pause and consider.
I just feel tired.
Too tired to even stop and think and more so to write.
Everything.
Can't articulate.
Just cry.
Alone.

Zombies are better off than capitalists

I've always been drawn to zombie movies, since I first saw George Romero's the Dead movies and the numerous interpretations of the genre particularly that of Max Brooks (World War Z), Alex Garland (28 Days Later & 28 Weeks Later) and Robert Kirkman (The Walking Dead).

I find it interesting because it reveals a side of humanity that puts into question highest boast of civility and order amidst chaos. It makes us put ourselves in the shoes of the characters and ask the same question of 'what will I do given the same circumstances?'

Zombie movies function as a mirror to our collective values and pretenses on matter of survival and being human. It dares to put us in the middle of the tension between living to fight another day in an eternity of living dead; asking us whether it is actually us the survivors who are the real walking dead for we are no longer different from the zombies who are driven by the primal urge to press on living at the expense of others lives.

It is on this theme of the zombie movie genre that I find Yeon Sang-ho's Train to Busan a welcomed contribution to themes advanced by the zombie genre. I find it special because it saliently functions as a Marxist social commentary to the conventions of class relations, that is more relatable than George Romero's take on the idea in his movie Land of the Dead.