in hoping that...

To be totally honest, I’m really not that in a jolly mood lately.
Things haven’t going my way lately I am as they say: ‘stuck in a rut’ and I’m definitely not liking it.
I’m unemployed.
I’m a bum.
I’m broke.
My continuing quest for a job has been but a waging battle that has not yet reaped anything that one could say as meaningful.
I’m constantly plagued by memories my the decision to follow a pursuit of studying at MFI and by the resignation that I filed from work a few months back.
I’m plagued by a feign realization that I might have made the same decision and that stepping out in faith for something would get me nowhere.
I just turned 24 and I’m right now here whining online on some computer shop in Manila, waiting for someone who said would be out by 8.
It’s 7:19 on my watch and it looks like it’ll be taking some time what more to waste it on that spewing out mindless chatter on the world wide web the information superhighway.
I hope and pray that this is just another one of those phases wherein by God’s grace I’d make it through just like those other times…
That’s really what I’m praying for.
Especially now that we’re in the midst of this twisted political climate that I really no longer care about, (I’ve just found refuge in apathy as something that is very therapeutic since I’ve really ended up with more heartaches whenever I’d tie this with my left-wing libertarian line of thought.)
I tell you caring for something that you believe is right could be very tragic and take it from experience it’s the very thing that has gotten me in this state in the first place.
I know you’d rather have me in an enthusiastic mood but as of the moment I can and I pray to God that He’d make it better.
This is not an act of doubting I simply just come to a point wherein I’m getting into this aching feeling of self-doubt as to whether I’m going somewhere or going nowhere with how things are going in for me lately.
I hope everything would be better soon….

No comments: