To be totally honest, I’m really not that in a jolly mood lately.
Things haven’t going my way lately I am as they say: ‘stuck in a rut’ and I’m definitely not liking it.
I’m unemployed.
I’m a bum.
I’m broke.
My continuing quest for a job has been but a waging battle that has not yet reaped anything that one could say as meaningful.
I’m constantly plagued by memories my the decision to follow a pursuit of studying at MFI and by the resignation that I filed from work a few months back.
I’m plagued by a feign realization that I might have made the same decision and that stepping out in faith for something would get me nowhere.
I just turned 24 and I’m right now here whining online on some computer shop in Manila, waiting for someone who said would be out by 8.
It’s 7:19 on my watch and it looks like it’ll be taking some time what more to waste it on that spewing out mindless chatter on the world wide web the information superhighway.
I hope and pray that this is just another one of those phases wherein by God’s grace I’d make it through just like those other times…
That’s really what I’m praying for.
Especially now that we’re in the midst of this twisted political climate that I really no longer care about, (I’ve just found refuge in apathy as something that is very therapeutic since I’ve really ended up with more heartaches whenever I’d tie this with my left-wing libertarian line of thought.)
I tell you caring for something that you believe is right could be very tragic and take it from experience it’s the very thing that has gotten me in this state in the first place.
I know you’d rather have me in an enthusiastic mood but as of the moment I can and I pray to God that He’d make it better.
This is not an act of doubting I simply just come to a point wherein I’m getting into this aching feeling of self-doubt as to whether I’m going somewhere or going nowhere with how things are going in for me lately.
I hope everything would be better soon….
Showing posts with label God's grace. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God's grace. Show all posts
...just when you thought that things would end up with a bad trip...
'Bad trip' this is a popular catchphrase among those of us who seemed to have Lady Luck working against us. That was how my day started and almost went about yesterday.
My day at work started with the news that the client site that we're working on is down, but as to my dissappointment the section of the site that I'm working on is functioning, thus I have to endure the work by myself, thankfully by God's grace I was able to finish it within 5 hours which made our boss allow us to leave the office at around 3pm.
So that we did got off to work quite early considering that my scheduled time out at the office is 5:45 pm. Leaving early on I decided to go to Adamson and visit Jeanie, so that I did and there I found out that she was busy editing the videos of her students which made me go to waste my time at SM Manila after which I played arcade games and basically laundered almost all the cash that I got in hand, where later I decided to go to the nearby ATM to withdraw the money that I still have in my account, but to my dissappointment the cash machine reported an error in my ATM apparently Expressnet banking services suck, it stated that my transaction
cannot be completed, and it ejected my card. So I decided to again go to another bank that was BPI, because the line for the Chinabank there was overwhelmingly long since the Equitable ATM beside it is offline so there again with the BPI machine it reported that it again cannot complete my request so I again moved to the ATM beside it which was the same as that of the first ATM that I went to which was that lousy Banco De Oro ATM and their elitist Expressnet system, again it reaped nothing.
So I decided to return to Adamson and wait for Jeanie since she gave me a message that she also is maxed out on her finances so I hurried myself to Times Plaza to check if the transaction would work out at the Chinabank there and to my surprise the amount stored in my account was below the minimum allowed for withrawal, I tell you I was so pissed at the banks and especially at myself, I couldn't forgive myself for wasting my money on a lot of things, I was on the brink of crying as I text the sad news to Jeanie, and like me she was saddened.
She told me that her editing will take a while longer and told me to just present my ID to the school guard and go to her at the Media Center, sadly the guard refused to give me permission to get in because it's already passed visiting hours for outsiders, and the guard told me that even if Jeanie would come down she still has to call the security office of the School to grant me permission to get in. Tough luck for me. (On a side note apparently there was some sort of frat related trouble earlier that day or was it the day before? well anyways what happened was there was this kid who got killed in the incident and that's the reason why it wasn't that easy to get inside the campus and that explains why there are many guards roaming about the school and its nearby areas.)
Well, Jeanie was too caught up with the editing and we decided it best that I wait for her in the school's visitor's lounge and so I did, and I think it was about 7pm when I got a text message from Cedric inquiring if he and Laix could sleep over our house and I told then, that they could and that I'll be home before 10 pm. As I was answering the message I really was still so pissed off by the fact that I no longer have money to sustain me up until the next payday and that I can't get to Jeanie and it was such a waste of a rare opportunity to go there earlier and visit her since rarely do such things happen in our office (mind you we are required to go to work even on storm sigan #2s).
Feeling really frustrated I simply just thought that it would be best for me to just pour out my heart unto God in prayer and so I did there in the middle of all those
people going in and out of the campus I simply bowed down my head and closed my eyes in prayer afterwards I decided to read this booklet from Campus Crusade For Christ called Steps To Spiritual Maturity which was written by Bill Bright, and it was there way in the ending part where I read that the comandment of God that we as Christians to go and be a witness to His gospel is a synergy of living a good testimony and as well as speaking of our faith to others and for so long have I tried to be a witness by simply living a good life, which really is quite stupid of me since doing something without giving a good explanation for doing so could be interpreted by others as basically a simple act of goodness and that I am merely a good person and not grasp the idea that I am that way because I've been justified by the blood Jesus.
And then Cedric came into mind, we're off better now we've resolved a lot about ourselves earlier this month and we're good friends so I made this pact with God that I'll see to it that he'll hear the gospel later when they sleep over at our house.
It was almost 8:30 when Jeanie finally arrived in the lobby. She was very apologetic for being late and she was even blaming herself that maybe she might have withdrawed all the money from the card when she borrowed from me last Saturday. Like me she was also very much surprised that we can't withdraw our money we were so earnestly discussing that I failed to notice that Raymond from my church GBC was there and I would have totally not known of his pressence if he didn't call me he was also studying at Adamson, so I introduced him to Jeanie. And while we were walking we both decided to try the ATM again at this PNB beside Adamson, and so we did
and again we were dissapointed.
We simply decided to go home and I told her of this plan I had with Cedric and I told her that I want to get home as soon as possible and she understood and she even volounteered to intercede in my behalf as I'll be witnessing. And she even spoke words of encouragement wherein she said that maybe God did intended the money to be lost for that time so that we'll set our priorities straight and so that we'll decide to simply just go home rather than eat and roam about in SM Manila, and the priority at that time was for the gospel be spoken to Cedric.
I arrived home at around 9:30 or perhaps earlier, I ate and did my rituals and was on the phone discussing the process of doing the modifications for his blog when my
father informed me that Laix and Cedric were at the gate. I offered them dinner and we listened to a few MP3s and played a little Demonstar, and played some songs on my guitars. And I simply got this Fred Flintstone notebook that I had with me always and started to speak to him about God, I tried to combine the 4 Spiritual laws, bridge illustration and the Romans Road as I spoke to him at first I was really nervous and was really quite uncomfortable speaking out my faith by it wasn't about me it was about God working in Ced's life that He opened his heart and to cut the long story short our talk ended with me leading him into a prayer of receiving Christ as his personal Lord and Savior.
By the time we uttered 'amen' in unison I automatically text to Jeanie the good news. Later we got to talk about a lot of stuff and we even ironed out the kinks that we had and we got to talk about that of the demise of Life Is Trying and how so much changed between the two of us during that dark period of being jaded with each other.
As I woke up earlier this day I can't help but feel so blessed of how God has then again used me to do His divine work. By the way I gave him my Bible and lended
him my copy of Warren's PDL.
As I look back now I am reminded of Acts 16:31 whre it said:
"Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved you and your household."
And indeed it was true, I consider Cedric as a brother I look upon him as a part of the family that we've come to call as our circle of friends and it was true that
because I chose to believe in Jesus Christ with all my heart and sought to have a relationship with Him, God in His mercy gave the provision for me to speak out my
faith to Cedric and for Cedric to ultimately decide on entering into a relationship with God. And truly to God be the glory.
Looking back at how I thought that the day was a bad trip its nice to know that before the day ends God always gives us all the more reason to give Him glory and to be thankful and for blessings that far exceeds the previous sadness. I may not have money in my pocket but I have a friend in Christ, and I share it with Ced,
Laix, Aga, Jeanie and all my other Christian friends which apparently are growing.
As we departed me going off to Ortigas and Cedric and Laix off to Tandang Sora, I simply gave him this gimme five and smile thinking that indeed despite all of our
infirmities and our sins God redeemed us and made us vindicated from the wrath of sin and its consequences.
"Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye
And roped me in
So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing
I am captivated
I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore You saw
Yourself"
I'm not quite sure but I think I read it somewhere that this Dashboard Confessional song speaks of a man's struggle from justification to sanctification unto the
ultimate glorification unto Christ. And it gives me comfort that despite the fact that right now I'm deprived of a lot of comforts in life I could look back and see God's goodness to me and His work of molding me towards maturity. May this be an encouragement to you all.
By the way as for the ATM I've already reported it to Union Bank and Banco De Oro and learned that such occurances are common among those two banks and that such cases are called debit without release. They told me that it'll be restored within a week.
My day at work started with the news that the client site that we're working on is down, but as to my dissappointment the section of the site that I'm working on is functioning, thus I have to endure the work by myself, thankfully by God's grace I was able to finish it within 5 hours which made our boss allow us to leave the office at around 3pm.
So that we did got off to work quite early considering that my scheduled time out at the office is 5:45 pm. Leaving early on I decided to go to Adamson and visit Jeanie, so that I did and there I found out that she was busy editing the videos of her students which made me go to waste my time at SM Manila after which I played arcade games and basically laundered almost all the cash that I got in hand, where later I decided to go to the nearby ATM to withdraw the money that I still have in my account, but to my dissappointment the cash machine reported an error in my ATM apparently Expressnet banking services suck, it stated that my transaction
cannot be completed, and it ejected my card. So I decided to again go to another bank that was BPI, because the line for the Chinabank there was overwhelmingly long since the Equitable ATM beside it is offline so there again with the BPI machine it reported that it again cannot complete my request so I again moved to the ATM beside it which was the same as that of the first ATM that I went to which was that lousy Banco De Oro ATM and their elitist Expressnet system, again it reaped nothing.
So I decided to return to Adamson and wait for Jeanie since she gave me a message that she also is maxed out on her finances so I hurried myself to Times Plaza to check if the transaction would work out at the Chinabank there and to my surprise the amount stored in my account was below the minimum allowed for withrawal, I tell you I was so pissed at the banks and especially at myself, I couldn't forgive myself for wasting my money on a lot of things, I was on the brink of crying as I text the sad news to Jeanie, and like me she was saddened.
She told me that her editing will take a while longer and told me to just present my ID to the school guard and go to her at the Media Center, sadly the guard refused to give me permission to get in because it's already passed visiting hours for outsiders, and the guard told me that even if Jeanie would come down she still has to call the security office of the School to grant me permission to get in. Tough luck for me. (On a side note apparently there was some sort of frat related trouble earlier that day or was it the day before? well anyways what happened was there was this kid who got killed in the incident and that's the reason why it wasn't that easy to get inside the campus and that explains why there are many guards roaming about the school and its nearby areas.)
Well, Jeanie was too caught up with the editing and we decided it best that I wait for her in the school's visitor's lounge and so I did, and I think it was about 7pm when I got a text message from Cedric inquiring if he and Laix could sleep over our house and I told then, that they could and that I'll be home before 10 pm. As I was answering the message I really was still so pissed off by the fact that I no longer have money to sustain me up until the next payday and that I can't get to Jeanie and it was such a waste of a rare opportunity to go there earlier and visit her since rarely do such things happen in our office (mind you we are required to go to work even on storm sigan #2s).
Feeling really frustrated I simply just thought that it would be best for me to just pour out my heart unto God in prayer and so I did there in the middle of all those
people going in and out of the campus I simply bowed down my head and closed my eyes in prayer afterwards I decided to read this booklet from Campus Crusade For Christ called Steps To Spiritual Maturity which was written by Bill Bright, and it was there way in the ending part where I read that the comandment of God that we as Christians to go and be a witness to His gospel is a synergy of living a good testimony and as well as speaking of our faith to others and for so long have I tried to be a witness by simply living a good life, which really is quite stupid of me since doing something without giving a good explanation for doing so could be interpreted by others as basically a simple act of goodness and that I am merely a good person and not grasp the idea that I am that way because I've been justified by the blood Jesus.
And then Cedric came into mind, we're off better now we've resolved a lot about ourselves earlier this month and we're good friends so I made this pact with God that I'll see to it that he'll hear the gospel later when they sleep over at our house.
It was almost 8:30 when Jeanie finally arrived in the lobby. She was very apologetic for being late and she was even blaming herself that maybe she might have withdrawed all the money from the card when she borrowed from me last Saturday. Like me she was also very much surprised that we can't withdraw our money we were so earnestly discussing that I failed to notice that Raymond from my church GBC was there and I would have totally not known of his pressence if he didn't call me he was also studying at Adamson, so I introduced him to Jeanie. And while we were walking we both decided to try the ATM again at this PNB beside Adamson, and so we did
and again we were dissapointed.
We simply decided to go home and I told her of this plan I had with Cedric and I told her that I want to get home as soon as possible and she understood and she even volounteered to intercede in my behalf as I'll be witnessing. And she even spoke words of encouragement wherein she said that maybe God did intended the money to be lost for that time so that we'll set our priorities straight and so that we'll decide to simply just go home rather than eat and roam about in SM Manila, and the priority at that time was for the gospel be spoken to Cedric.
I arrived home at around 9:30 or perhaps earlier, I ate and did my rituals and was on the phone discussing the process of doing the modifications for his blog when my
father informed me that Laix and Cedric were at the gate. I offered them dinner and we listened to a few MP3s and played a little Demonstar, and played some songs on my guitars. And I simply got this Fred Flintstone notebook that I had with me always and started to speak to him about God, I tried to combine the 4 Spiritual laws, bridge illustration and the Romans Road as I spoke to him at first I was really nervous and was really quite uncomfortable speaking out my faith by it wasn't about me it was about God working in Ced's life that He opened his heart and to cut the long story short our talk ended with me leading him into a prayer of receiving Christ as his personal Lord and Savior.
By the time we uttered 'amen' in unison I automatically text to Jeanie the good news. Later we got to talk about a lot of stuff and we even ironed out the kinks that we had and we got to talk about that of the demise of Life Is Trying and how so much changed between the two of us during that dark period of being jaded with each other.
As I woke up earlier this day I can't help but feel so blessed of how God has then again used me to do His divine work. By the way I gave him my Bible and lended
him my copy of Warren's PDL.
As I look back now I am reminded of Acts 16:31 whre it said:
"Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved you and your household."
And indeed it was true, I consider Cedric as a brother I look upon him as a part of the family that we've come to call as our circle of friends and it was true that
because I chose to believe in Jesus Christ with all my heart and sought to have a relationship with Him, God in His mercy gave the provision for me to speak out my
faith to Cedric and for Cedric to ultimately decide on entering into a relationship with God. And truly to God be the glory.
Looking back at how I thought that the day was a bad trip its nice to know that before the day ends God always gives us all the more reason to give Him glory and to be thankful and for blessings that far exceeds the previous sadness. I may not have money in my pocket but I have a friend in Christ, and I share it with Ced,
Laix, Aga, Jeanie and all my other Christian friends which apparently are growing.
As we departed me going off to Ortigas and Cedric and Laix off to Tandang Sora, I simply gave him this gimme five and smile thinking that indeed despite all of our
infirmities and our sins God redeemed us and made us vindicated from the wrath of sin and its consequences.
"Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye
And roped me in
So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing
I am captivated
I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore You saw
Yourself"
I'm not quite sure but I think I read it somewhere that this Dashboard Confessional song speaks of a man's struggle from justification to sanctification unto the
ultimate glorification unto Christ. And it gives me comfort that despite the fact that right now I'm deprived of a lot of comforts in life I could look back and see God's goodness to me and His work of molding me towards maturity. May this be an encouragement to you all.
By the way as for the ATM I've already reported it to Union Bank and Banco De Oro and learned that such occurances are common among those two banks and that such cases are called debit without release. They told me that it'll be restored within a week.
I'll simply make mention of solidified independent sentences that speaks of...
Looking back I cannot help but wonder how six years of my life would have ended up as awesome as it was now if it wasn't spent with Jeanie.
I was barely a year out of high school when I first stumbled into Jeanie. I was eating a bag full of Nova (or was it Piatos?) in the MassComm lobby alone and introverted as usual when all of a sudden she came right in front of me asking if she could have some of the snack that I'm at that very moment consuming. It was really weird every time I come to think of it and she was with her friends Angelica and Gisele at that time. But nevertheless that was simply the beginning or better yet a foreshadowing of something big that's to come.
It wasn't until the closing days of the school year when I later caught up with Jeanie again, it was my band's first gig at school and it was the foundation day of our college and we were about to play our set when I heard Jeanie screeching: "Go Chuck" as she sat on the floor perpendicular to where we were about to play our music and get ourselves humiliated big time. As I think of it now really I cannot help but laugh as well because after the 'go Chuck' was the sound of her voice yelling: "Whooo drums!" which was really all about sarcasm since our drummer at the time Jarme, (who also happened to be one of the lousiest drummers that I've known if ever there is one) was playing this pathetic beat mimicking The Offspring's 'Come Out & Play'. The gig ended right in the middle of our second song the organizers were poor planners and they could not accommodate all the listed bands that are slotted to play so they decided to cut off our playing time, so as to give way for the next band, and by the time that I was out and off the stage after a handfull of cursing the sight of Jeanie was there no more. But that again was still another foreshadowing.
A couple of days later I was surprised when Damaso, (the designated class irregular-student-bum in our block) asked me to write down my number on this piece of paper so as to give it to Jeanie. I was flattered so as if I was trying to impress her or something like that I wrote down 2 telephone numbers one is for our PLDT and another is for our Bayantel phone that was installed by my brother for his modem. It was around 10 when I got to talk to her via our Bayantel phone. She told me about how she was a friend with another band that played in the same gig, and how she loves Korn, Rage and a whole lot of other bands that played that angry rap-m stuff at the time. While I told her I was into punk rock and that my most influential musses are Greenday and The Cure. Again that was but another foreshadowing.
But as time pressed on and went into its natural course and direction things unfolded at the start with a symposium that me and Laix went to because Jeanie invited us. But going further it grew and blossomed into almost 6 full years of things that I could no longer make mention in a mere simple paragraph of sorts but instead I'll simply make mention of solidified independent sentences that speaks of that 6 full years.
Looking back I could all but remember the:
The Bible stories.
The nighttime prayers.
Playing Tekken 3 and beating up a host full of challengers and the occasional team-ups with Reginald.
The late night talks.
The long idle chitchat and gossiping at Ali's house.
The countless movies. The horror flicks.
The Cartoons: Cow & Chicken, Ren & Stimply, I Am Weasel, Hey Arnold, The Rugrats, Wild Thornberry's, Spongebob Squarepants, As Told By Ginger, GTO, Justice League, Teen Titans, X-Men Evolution, Beavis & Butthead, The Simpsons, Futurama etc.
The late night movies search for B-Flicks with gore and senseless violence.
The music we've listened to and sang: The Ramones, The Clash, Plumb, Texas, The Cure, Greenday, Letter To Cleo, Save Ferris, Gin Blossoms, The Sex Pistols, Rancid, Ash, MxPx, Sonic Flood, Jars of Clay, Sixpence None The Richer, Blink 182, Dashboard Confessional, United Live, Hillsong, etc.
The affiliations that have been: TABAK, KATRIBU, ANAKBAYAN, CEGP, Anarcho-Punks, BK, Youth On Fire
The dogs that have come and gone: Black, Jaguard, Murphy, Druiness, Jarod, Odie, Klondyke, Kuya, and Grownor.
Buying countless P35 cassttes on the sale bins at SM record bars.
The October and Novermber Christmas shopping.
Saint Jude, and Santa Clara churches.
The long conversations about how life is as a punk in his 30s with Darwin and Ab at Radiation Area Distro.
Our escapades on ACA San Juan, Star City, Bicol, Taft Avenue, Robinsons Place, Mendiola, Greenbelt, Tandem Recto, Ali Mall, Riverbanks, PCBS, Powerbooks Makati etc.
Our long walks in Ayala, Cubao, V. Mapa, UP, Teachers Village.
Me being hospitalized twice.
The hospitals we went to for a number of times. Most recently with the lung affliction diagnosis that she received from her medical exam at EAC which as of this writing has been healed, thank God.
The friends and acquaintances: Laix, Gisele, Angelica, Buddy, Cheng & Len Len, Ali, Raquel, Reginald & Weng, Cedric, Mark, Jarme, Melody, Mia, Fritz, Toto, Marlo, GL, Riva, Karl, Marianne, Edward, Jocson, Bunny, Delbert, Michelle, Gera, Ana, Rovic, Michael, Shirley & Ruth, Shondel, Lolo Eliseo, Mang Bruce, Aldy, Kiko, Gomer, Chris, Ms. Elaine, Charisse, Jem, Aga, Monica, Aina, Darwin, John Fishbone, Mang Jun Alberto as well as the lefties, greens, anarchists, skaters, goths, emo nerds, indie geeks, punks, and Jesus freaks that we've met along the way.
The stargazing at Sunken Garden accompanied by the talk about physics and light years.
Designing the layout for her magazine project.
Doing the graphic design and web maintenance for Pinaybloodrush.
The hypothetical questions game that we play.
The books that we've read: The Bible, The Little Prince, Philippine Society & Revolution, The Communist Manifesto, The Bob Ong Books and countless others which ranged from Socio, Philo and Communication textbooks, to theses, to fiction and novels, to cookbooks, to political manifestos and theological writings.
The comics: Wasted, Shade The Changing Man, Doom Patrol, Batman, The Death of Superman, Keith Giffen Era-Justice League, The Comical Tragedy of Mr. Punch, Pugad Baboy among others.
The bai and Saudi boy jokes that we've outgrown.
The VHS tape hunt for long since forgotten movies.
The ATM pin numbers based on our anniversary and our birthdays
The cell phones lost, gained and lost again.
The seemingly unending fights over palmistry and tarot cards.
The book reading at national bookstore main.
The 1 peso snacks at their sari-sari store.
The long talks with Tina, Tutoy and her mother.
The Bicol trip with her family.
Dissing rockers, fashion punks, mall emos, poser skaters and the beautiful ones.
Having her give me silly looking haircuts.
Conducting cooking experiments and mixing cool new kinds of beverages with her mother's blender.
Having my clothes fitted and sewn by her and her mother to make it fit to my frail skeletal frame.
Learning new arcade and PC games together with her sister.
Having our pictures taken together inside a 1-hour rush photo booth.
The imaginary character of Kiko Monster.
The Earth Day celebrations.
The long drunken talk with her father about this girl with 12 fingers in hand.
The restaurants and coffee shops like: Likha Diwa, Smokey's, Salt of the Earth, Along Came Mary, Kapnay, Earthlite, Figaro, McDonalds, A&W, Tokyo Tokyo Red Ribbon, Texas, Kenny Rogers and Ate Vi's Lugawan.
The meal fads: Quarter Pounders, Hot Shots, Wing Dings, Root beer Floats, Strawberry Jelly, McDips, Barbecue.
Having this Nakarami card that served us a free meal a Tokyo Tokyo on my birthday.
The Cubao Christmas fairs in front of COD.
The Ukay-ukay expeditions from Cubao, to Anonas, to Recto, San Juan and Quiapo.
The punk shows, Internet surfing, skateboarding and habulan at UP campus.
The mobilizations, rallies and campaigns that raged and fueled our aspiration to make a difference in the world.
The theses, reports, projects, photo essays and term papers that we either did or have checked together.
The days we got by with barely 20 or 30 pesos in our pockets.
The change in our lives from nihilism, to greens, to commie/ND, to anarchists, to Christianity.
The unwavering support, encouragement and faith at each other despite of our own frailties and limitations.
Playing Greenday's 'When I Come Around and Redundant'; Dashboard Confessional's 'Hands Down; The Cure's 'A Letter To Elise, Friday I'm In Love, Just Like Heaven' on the telephone for her.
Shared various silkscreen printing adventures most notable was the the trip to Tutuban & Divisoria to canvass cheap wholesale T-shirts; Bolstering Mark's self-confidence ultimately freeing him from the shadow cast down by Cedric and his skill in that craft, reinstating Reggie and Laix's self worth.
Painting her room with dark indigo and making stencils out of scrap pieces of cardboard.
Bringing her to Youth On Fire for the first time.
Sharing our PowerBooks discovery to Riva and Charisse.
Sharing a meal at Likha Diwa with Riva and Marriane and a whole lot more of other people that I've lost count of.
The numerous times I popped up on her location while she's helping out her students shoot their short films, Mtvs etc.
When she brought the mass comm faulty of San Sebastian College to watch our first gig at Freedom Bar.
When we frolicked through gangland past midnight carrying a puppy that led through a wild-goose chase in finding the house of Gegine.
When we she'd join me Reginald, Cedric and Laix at UP to skateboard.
The weddings we attended (Reginald's and he cousin's).
The infant baptisms that we weren't supposed to be in because the child being baptized were children of people that are totally strangers to us.
The times we went to the vet with her dogs.
Our shared lament for those who've departed this realm: Lolo Eliseo, Jaguard and Druiness.
The times we brought Lolo Eliseo his supper and our search for him when he was arrested for vagrancy and was later brought under DSWD custody.
The times when she depended on me and I failed miserably for the times I said promise and failed to deliver for all the tears I incited and all the screams I shouted and all the other humiliating things that I've caused us to suffer.
The love shared and cherished which bloomed into a greater love that is one that is shared with our kindred identities in Christ.
The tears wept and shared, the angst fueled and calmed, the storms that have brought our worst selves, the cruel words said but we never really meant and the love shared but realized as a part of something bigger that God asks back of us so as to follow his Lordship in our lives.
The indwelling and renewing of our broken spirits with the comfort of God's presence.
And for all the other seemingly unending, meaningful and worthwhile stuff that we've shared which we have both either forgotten or have been stored in the back of our minds which in their own little way have molded both of us to the person that we are now we give God for all the joy and the pain which manifested and resulted with the realigning of our lives to the center of His will.
Happy birthday Jeanie.
I was barely a year out of high school when I first stumbled into Jeanie. I was eating a bag full of Nova (or was it Piatos?) in the MassComm lobby alone and introverted as usual when all of a sudden she came right in front of me asking if she could have some of the snack that I'm at that very moment consuming. It was really weird every time I come to think of it and she was with her friends Angelica and Gisele at that time. But nevertheless that was simply the beginning or better yet a foreshadowing of something big that's to come.
It wasn't until the closing days of the school year when I later caught up with Jeanie again, it was my band's first gig at school and it was the foundation day of our college and we were about to play our set when I heard Jeanie screeching: "Go Chuck" as she sat on the floor perpendicular to where we were about to play our music and get ourselves humiliated big time. As I think of it now really I cannot help but laugh as well because after the 'go Chuck' was the sound of her voice yelling: "Whooo drums!" which was really all about sarcasm since our drummer at the time Jarme, (who also happened to be one of the lousiest drummers that I've known if ever there is one) was playing this pathetic beat mimicking The Offspring's 'Come Out & Play'. The gig ended right in the middle of our second song the organizers were poor planners and they could not accommodate all the listed bands that are slotted to play so they decided to cut off our playing time, so as to give way for the next band, and by the time that I was out and off the stage after a handfull of cursing the sight of Jeanie was there no more. But that again was still another foreshadowing.
A couple of days later I was surprised when Damaso, (the designated class irregular-student-bum in our block) asked me to write down my number on this piece of paper so as to give it to Jeanie. I was flattered so as if I was trying to impress her or something like that I wrote down 2 telephone numbers one is for our PLDT and another is for our Bayantel phone that was installed by my brother for his modem. It was around 10 when I got to talk to her via our Bayantel phone. She told me about how she was a friend with another band that played in the same gig, and how she loves Korn, Rage and a whole lot of other bands that played that angry rap-m stuff at the time. While I told her I was into punk rock and that my most influential musses are Greenday and The Cure. Again that was but another foreshadowing.
But as time pressed on and went into its natural course and direction things unfolded at the start with a symposium that me and Laix went to because Jeanie invited us. But going further it grew and blossomed into almost 6 full years of things that I could no longer make mention in a mere simple paragraph of sorts but instead I'll simply make mention of solidified independent sentences that speaks of that 6 full years.
Looking back I could all but remember the:
The Bible stories.
The nighttime prayers.
Playing Tekken 3 and beating up a host full of challengers and the occasional team-ups with Reginald.
The late night talks.
The long idle chitchat and gossiping at Ali's house.
The countless movies. The horror flicks.
The Cartoons: Cow & Chicken, Ren & Stimply, I Am Weasel, Hey Arnold, The Rugrats, Wild Thornberry's, Spongebob Squarepants, As Told By Ginger, GTO, Justice League, Teen Titans, X-Men Evolution, Beavis & Butthead, The Simpsons, Futurama etc.
The late night movies search for B-Flicks with gore and senseless violence.
The music we've listened to and sang: The Ramones, The Clash, Plumb, Texas, The Cure, Greenday, Letter To Cleo, Save Ferris, Gin Blossoms, The Sex Pistols, Rancid, Ash, MxPx, Sonic Flood, Jars of Clay, Sixpence None The Richer, Blink 182, Dashboard Confessional, United Live, Hillsong, etc.
The affiliations that have been: TABAK, KATRIBU, ANAKBAYAN, CEGP, Anarcho-Punks, BK, Youth On Fire
The dogs that have come and gone: Black, Jaguard, Murphy, Druiness, Jarod, Odie, Klondyke, Kuya, and Grownor.
Buying countless P35 cassttes on the sale bins at SM record bars.
The October and Novermber Christmas shopping.
Saint Jude, and Santa Clara churches.
The long conversations about how life is as a punk in his 30s with Darwin and Ab at Radiation Area Distro.
Our escapades on ACA San Juan, Star City, Bicol, Taft Avenue, Robinsons Place, Mendiola, Greenbelt, Tandem Recto, Ali Mall, Riverbanks, PCBS, Powerbooks Makati etc.
Our long walks in Ayala, Cubao, V. Mapa, UP, Teachers Village.
Me being hospitalized twice.
The hospitals we went to for a number of times. Most recently with the lung affliction diagnosis that she received from her medical exam at EAC which as of this writing has been healed, thank God.
The friends and acquaintances: Laix, Gisele, Angelica, Buddy, Cheng & Len Len, Ali, Raquel, Reginald & Weng, Cedric, Mark, Jarme, Melody, Mia, Fritz, Toto, Marlo, GL, Riva, Karl, Marianne, Edward, Jocson, Bunny, Delbert, Michelle, Gera, Ana, Rovic, Michael, Shirley & Ruth, Shondel, Lolo Eliseo, Mang Bruce, Aldy, Kiko, Gomer, Chris, Ms. Elaine, Charisse, Jem, Aga, Monica, Aina, Darwin, John Fishbone, Mang Jun Alberto as well as the lefties, greens, anarchists, skaters, goths, emo nerds, indie geeks, punks, and Jesus freaks that we've met along the way.
The stargazing at Sunken Garden accompanied by the talk about physics and light years.
Designing the layout for her magazine project.
Doing the graphic design and web maintenance for Pinaybloodrush.
The hypothetical questions game that we play.
The books that we've read: The Bible, The Little Prince, Philippine Society & Revolution, The Communist Manifesto, The Bob Ong Books and countless others which ranged from Socio, Philo and Communication textbooks, to theses, to fiction and novels, to cookbooks, to political manifestos and theological writings.
The comics: Wasted, Shade The Changing Man, Doom Patrol, Batman, The Death of Superman, Keith Giffen Era-Justice League, The Comical Tragedy of Mr. Punch, Pugad Baboy among others.
The bai and Saudi boy jokes that we've outgrown.
The VHS tape hunt for long since forgotten movies.
The ATM pin numbers based on our anniversary and our birthdays
The cell phones lost, gained and lost again.
The seemingly unending fights over palmistry and tarot cards.
The book reading at national bookstore main.
The 1 peso snacks at their sari-sari store.
The long talks with Tina, Tutoy and her mother.
The Bicol trip with her family.
Dissing rockers, fashion punks, mall emos, poser skaters and the beautiful ones.
Having her give me silly looking haircuts.
Conducting cooking experiments and mixing cool new kinds of beverages with her mother's blender.
Having my clothes fitted and sewn by her and her mother to make it fit to my frail skeletal frame.
Learning new arcade and PC games together with her sister.
Having our pictures taken together inside a 1-hour rush photo booth.
The imaginary character of Kiko Monster.
The Earth Day celebrations.
The long drunken talk with her father about this girl with 12 fingers in hand.
The restaurants and coffee shops like: Likha Diwa, Smokey's, Salt of the Earth, Along Came Mary, Kapnay, Earthlite, Figaro, McDonalds, A&W, Tokyo Tokyo Red Ribbon, Texas, Kenny Rogers and Ate Vi's Lugawan.
The meal fads: Quarter Pounders, Hot Shots, Wing Dings, Root beer Floats, Strawberry Jelly, McDips, Barbecue.
Having this Nakarami card that served us a free meal a Tokyo Tokyo on my birthday.
The Cubao Christmas fairs in front of COD.
The Ukay-ukay expeditions from Cubao, to Anonas, to Recto, San Juan and Quiapo.
The punk shows, Internet surfing, skateboarding and habulan at UP campus.
The mobilizations, rallies and campaigns that raged and fueled our aspiration to make a difference in the world.
The theses, reports, projects, photo essays and term papers that we either did or have checked together.
The days we got by with barely 20 or 30 pesos in our pockets.
The change in our lives from nihilism, to greens, to commie/ND, to anarchists, to Christianity.
The unwavering support, encouragement and faith at each other despite of our own frailties and limitations.
Playing Greenday's 'When I Come Around and Redundant'; Dashboard Confessional's 'Hands Down; The Cure's 'A Letter To Elise, Friday I'm In Love, Just Like Heaven' on the telephone for her.
Shared various silkscreen printing adventures most notable was the the trip to Tutuban & Divisoria to canvass cheap wholesale T-shirts; Bolstering Mark's self-confidence ultimately freeing him from the shadow cast down by Cedric and his skill in that craft, reinstating Reggie and Laix's self worth.
Painting her room with dark indigo and making stencils out of scrap pieces of cardboard.
Bringing her to Youth On Fire for the first time.
Sharing our PowerBooks discovery to Riva and Charisse.
Sharing a meal at Likha Diwa with Riva and Marriane and a whole lot more of other people that I've lost count of.
The numerous times I popped up on her location while she's helping out her students shoot their short films, Mtvs etc.
When she brought the mass comm faulty of San Sebastian College to watch our first gig at Freedom Bar.
When we frolicked through gangland past midnight carrying a puppy that led through a wild-goose chase in finding the house of Gegine.
When we she'd join me Reginald, Cedric and Laix at UP to skateboard.
The weddings we attended (Reginald's and he cousin's).
The infant baptisms that we weren't supposed to be in because the child being baptized were children of people that are totally strangers to us.
The times we went to the vet with her dogs.
Our shared lament for those who've departed this realm: Lolo Eliseo, Jaguard and Druiness.
The times we brought Lolo Eliseo his supper and our search for him when he was arrested for vagrancy and was later brought under DSWD custody.
The times when she depended on me and I failed miserably for the times I said promise and failed to deliver for all the tears I incited and all the screams I shouted and all the other humiliating things that I've caused us to suffer.
The love shared and cherished which bloomed into a greater love that is one that is shared with our kindred identities in Christ.
The tears wept and shared, the angst fueled and calmed, the storms that have brought our worst selves, the cruel words said but we never really meant and the love shared but realized as a part of something bigger that God asks back of us so as to follow his Lordship in our lives.
The indwelling and renewing of our broken spirits with the comfort of God's presence.
And for all the other seemingly unending, meaningful and worthwhile stuff that we've shared which we have both either forgotten or have been stored in the back of our minds which in their own little way have molded both of us to the person that we are now we give God for all the joy and the pain which manifested and resulted with the realigning of our lives to the center of His will.
Happy birthday Jeanie.
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